A Parent's Guide to Emotional Regulation in Teens

As parents, it is not uncommon to see your teenager struggle with managing their emotions. Adolescence is a time of great change, and teens can become overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, and other emotional challenges. If you are concerned about the way your teen regulates their emotions, know that there are many things you can do to help them learn to manage the volatility and cope with stress. Included within this article are some helpful links that could be useful for further information.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a technique that involves focusing your attention on the present moment. It is a powerful tool for regulating emotional outbursts because it helps teens become more aware of their thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations in the present moment. When they are able to tune in to their inner experience, they are better equipped to respond to their emotions in a more deliberate and intentional way. This can lead to taking control of their emotional responses rather than being carried away by them.

For example, when a teenager is feeling overwhelmed or stressed, they may experience a rush of intense emotions that can quickly escalate into an emotional outburst. However, if the teen has practiced mindfulness, they may be better able to recognize when they are becoming overwhelmed and take steps to regulate their response before they reach the point of no return.

Develop emotional awareness

Teaching your teen to identify and name their feelings can help them develop greater emotional awareness. When your teen is experiencing strong emotions, encourage them to identify what they're feeling and why. This can help them better understand their emotions and manage them in a healthier way. As a result, they become more in tune with their thoughts and feelings. This can help them better understand their own strengths and weaknesses, and identify areas where they may need to focus on personal growth.

Emotional awareness can help teenagers develop greater self-control and regulation skills. By recognizing emotions as they arise, teens can learn to respond to them in a more constructive way. Emotional awareness can help teens identify and address negative thought patterns and emotional triggers that can lead to anxiety and depression. By learning to recognize these patterns and triggers, teens can take steps to manage their emotions and reduce the impact of negative feelings.

Use positive self-talk

Positive self-talk can help youth develop a positive self-image and boost their self-confidence. By focusing on their strengths and accomplishments, they can counteract negative self-talk and develop a more balanced and realistic view of themselves. Replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations and positive self-talk, teens can shift their focus towards positive outcomes and solutions, and may reduce the impact of stress and anxiety.

Here are some examples of positive self-talk for teens. “I am worthy of love and respect, and I will treat myself with kindness and compassion. Mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth, and I will use them to become a stronger person. I am proud of myself for the progress I have made, and I will continue to work towards my goals with determination. I am unique and special, and I embrace my individuality and celebrate my differences."

Engage in physical activity

Physical activity can help teenagers regulate their emotions by releasing tension, anger and stress in a safe and constructive way. Encourage your teen to engage in physical activities they enjoy, such as sports, dance, or yoga. This can help them feel more relaxed and improve their overall well-being. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosting chemicals that can help reduce stress and anxiety.

Exercise may help teenagers build strong social connections and develop positive relationships. Having a strong support network can help individuals better manage their emotions and cope with stressors. It may also help them feel good about themselves and their abilities, leading to improved self-esteem and confidence.

Keep a journal

Journaling can help your teen process their emotions and identify patterns that trigger emotional outbursts. Encourage your teen to keep a journal where they can write down their thoughts and feelings. This can help them develop greater emotional awareness and manage their emotions more effectively. Remind your teen that the journal is a safe space for exploring their feelings.

Choose a quiet and comfortable space where your teenager can feel relaxed and focused. Encourage them to choose a format that they feel comfortable with and will use consistently. Journaling is most helpful when it becomes a regular part of their routine, whether it's daily or weekly. By encouraging honesty and vulnerability in their writing, teens will develop greater self-awareness. The process of writing can help them manage difficult emotions over time.

Use relaxation techniques

Relaxation techniques can help young people relax and manage their emotions. Teenagers often face stress and anxiety due to academic pressure, social challenges, and changes in their lives. Practicing relaxation techniques can help them manage stress and anxiety and promote overall emotional well-being.

Deep breathing, progressive relaxation technique, visualization, listening to music, creating artwork or practicing yoga are some of the most effective ways to relax. Practicing relaxation techniques regularly can help teenagers develop the skills and habits needed to manage stress and anxiety and promote overall emotional well-being. These techniques can help reduce stress, lower anxiety, and improve overall well-being.

Seek social support

Social support is important for teens, especially when they're experiencing emotional challenges. Encourage your teen to seek social support from friends or family members. They may also reach out to a trusted teacher or therapist. These professionals can provide a listening ear, offer support, and help your teen access additional resources if necessary.

Feeling supported by caring individuals in a teens life can help them process their emotions, cope with stress, and develop healthy relationships. Remember, seeking social support takes courage and vulnerability. Encourage your teen to be gentle with themselves as they navigate their emotions and seek out the support they need.

Practice problem-solving

Teaching your teen problem-solving skills can help them effectively deal with stressors and challenges without becoming overwhelmed. Encourage your teen to identify the problem, brainstorm possible solutions, and evaluate the effectiveness of each solution. This can help your teen feel more confident and empowered.

Offer your teenager support and belief in their ability to make decisions based on the available information and to consider the potential consequences of their actions. Thinking creatively can help them formulate alternative solutions to problems. Encourage them to collaborate with others, whether it's a peer, teacher, or family member. Working together can help them gain new perspectives and find new solutions to the problem.

Help your teenager to notice and practice problem-solving skills in everyday situations, such as dealing with conflicts with friends or managing their time effectively. As parents it is important to offer support and guidance as they work through the problem-solving process. Gently guide them to take risks and learn from their mistakes. Problem-solving is a process, and it is important to help your teenager develop the skills and habits needed to approach challenges with a positive attitude and a growth mindset.

Use coping strategies

Coping strategies can help teens manage their emotions. Listening to music, engaging in hobbies, or taking a break when feeling overwhelmed are just a few examples of helpful coping strategies. Teens may use positive self-talk to challenge negative thoughts and promote a more positive mindset. By talking to a trusted friend, family member or mental health professional teens can process their emotions and gain perspective. Connecting with friends or participating in social activities can help teens feel supported and reduce feelings of isolation.

Parents can assist by helping teens devise time management techniques, such as making a schedule or prioritizing tasks. This can ultimately reduce stress and promote a sense of control. Encouraging your teenager to explore different coping strategies and find what works best for them can help them develop the skills and habits needed to regulate their emotions and promote overall emotional well-being.

Seek professional help

If your teen is experiencing intense or persistent emotional outbursts, it may be beneficial for you to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. A mental health professional can help your teen develop coping strategies and manage their emotions more effectively.

Emotional outbursts are a normal part of adolescence. Helping your teenager learn to regulate their emotions is a process that takes time and effort. By implementing some of these recommendations such as practicing mindfulness, developing emotional awareness, and seeking social support, you can help your teenager manage their emotions in a healthier way. Every teenager is unique and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient and open to trying new strategies until you find what works best. Remember to be supportive and celebrate their successes along the way. With your help and support, your teenager can learn to manage their emotions and navigate the challenges of adolescence with greater resilience and confidence.

Equivalent Child Outcomes in Same-Sex vs. Different-Sex Parent Households

In the United States, beliefs about child and family outcomes for same-sex versus different-sex parents have been a source of confusion and debate. To address this topic, the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics published the recent study, "Same-Sex and Different-Sex Parent Households and Child Health Outcomes: Findings from the National Survey of Children’s Health" by Henry M. W. Bos et al. This study found no significant difference between outcomes for children raised in similarly stable same-sex versus different-sex parent households. However, the study did find that same-sex parents report significantly higher levels of parenting stress compared to different-sex parents.

METHODS

In this study, the National Survey of Children's Health (NSCH) data set was used to examine 95 female same-sex parent families and 95 different-sex parent families. the NSCH is a population-based survey on children's health. Families were chosen if they were stable and didn’t experience a major stress event such as divorce or separation.  In order to participate, two parents had to be presently coupled and had to have raised their children since birth. Same-sex male parents were not selected because there were too few households meeting these criteria.  The researchers note that one of the strengths of the investigation was that "the data were drawn from a population-based survey on children's health that was not described to participants as a study of same-sex parent families, thus minimizing potential bias."

Researchers focused on data from households with children ages 6 through 17 and focused on questions about “family relationships, parenting stress and child outcomes.” This data set offered a chance for the researchers to examine whether there “are there differences in family relationships (spouse/partner relationships and parent-child relationships), parenting stress, or child outcomes (general health, emotional difficulties, coping behavior, and learning behavior)" between same-sex and different-sex parent households.

We have created the following visualization that summarizes the major findings from this study. (Please set your browser to allow third party cookies if you receive an error while trying to explore the data.)

THE RESULTS

The study findings illustrate that there is no significant difference between same-sex and different-sex parent households in terms of spouse/partner relationship, parent/child relationship, child general health, child emotional difficulties, child coping behavior and child learning behavior. Thus, the researchers conclude that this study "contributes to the mounting evidence that children reared by same-sex parents fare at least as well as those reared by different-sex parents on a variety of measures used to assess psychological adjustment."  

The one exception to these otherwise equivalent results, however, was that the same sex couples reported experiencing greater parenting stress.  At this point in time little is known as to why same-sex parents experience greater stress as parents, but one theory suggests that the "cultural spotlight on child outcomes in families with same sex-parents” may be a causally contributing to the stress. 

Typically, greater parenting stress is a predictor that is "positively associated with children's emotional difficulties and negatively associated with child coping and learning behavior." Interestingly, however, greater parenting stress in same-sex parents did not manifest in these negative results. In an attempt to explain this, the researchers hypothesize that lesbian mothers are mitigating greater parenting stress by effectively utilizing support systems such as parenting groups and counseling services to allay negative child outcomes.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS

Unfortunately, homophobia in society and concerns about how societal attitudes may impact their families may be contributing to excess parenting stress among same-sex parents. These parents may also feel the pressure of other people judging them more closely and more critically compared to different-sex parents. 

Despite the societal challenges for same-sex parents, challenging days with children are common for all parents alike.  Parenting stress can be alleviated by understanding the triggers that contribute to your anxiety throughout the day. For example, you might feel stressed if your child is having a tantrum in a public place, especially if people begin to stare. Instead of saying, “I am a terrible parent because my child is acting out” try adjusting your self-talk to phrases such as: “my child is having a bad day,” “my child is hungry or tired” or “I am doing the best that I can." It is impossible to avoid all stressful parenting situations, but one key is to understand your limitations and allow yourself more time to accomplish tasks.

Also, attempt to prioritize the duties and responsibilities in your day so that you don’t become overwhelmed while setting healthy boundaries with others. Making time for yourself by eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep and daily exercise may also be beneficial. Finally, forming close emotional connections with family members, friends and cultivating a strong support system can also contribute to a healthier lifestyle. If you find that you are not able to deal effectively with the level of stress in your life or if you find that it is getting in the way of effective parenting, it may be time to contact a professional. 

EXPLORE MORE TOPICS:

• ADHD
• Bullying
• Depression
• LGBTQ
• Anxiety
• Self-Esteem
• Spanking
• Emotional Regulation
• Phobias
• Social Media
• Mindfulness
• PTSD
• Eating Disorders
• Autism
• Divorce

Youngest Children in Class at Greater Risk for ADHD Diagnosis & Medication

In March 2016, a new Taiwanese study was published in The Journal of Pediatrics that showed that the youngest children in a class are at greater risk of being diagnosed and medicated for ADHD compared to older classmates. The implication is that the youngest children in a class are overdiagnosed with ADHD due simply to immaturity. 

The results of this study appear consistent with a number of other studies from around the world. The U.S., Canada, Iceland and now Taiwan have all produced studies that find that relative age in a classroom is a very important factor when diagnosing and medicating for ADHD.

Although countries and states have different cutoff dates for school children to enter a class, we adjusted the data for each study so that readers can easily see the trend of higher rates of ADHD diagnosis and medication for the youngest children in the class. (Please set your browser to allow third party cookies if you receive an error while trying to explore the data.)

THE STUDIES

1. Taiwan, 2016 - Chen, et al. "Influence of Relative Age on Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in Taiwanese Children" This is the latest study on the importance of relative age in diagnosing ADHD.  The sample was 378,881 Taiwanese school children ages 4-17 in school from 1997 to 2011. Kids born just one month prior to the grade cutoff date were 61% more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD compared to their oldest classmates. These youngest children were also 75% more likely to be medicated compared to their oldest classmates. Results were consistent for both boys and girls.

2. Canada, 2012 - Morrow, et al. "Influence of Relative Age on Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Children" Consistent with the findings in Taiwan, this Canadian study also found a higher risk for the youngest boys and girls of a class being both diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. The sample was 937,943 children in British Columbia ranging between 6 and 12 years of age using data from the 11 years between 1997 through 2008. The study found that male children born one month prior to the grade cutoff date were 30% more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and 41% more likely to be medicated compared to the oldest male children in the same grade. Female children born one month prior to the grade cutoff date were 69% more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and 73% more likely to be medicated compared to the oldest female children in the same grade. According to the study, "The potential harms of overdiagnosis and overprescribing and the lack of an objective test for ADHD strongly suggest caution be taken in assessing children for this disorder and providing treatment."

3. Iceland, 2012 (Medication Only) - Zoëga et al. "Age, Academic Performance, and Stimulant Prescribing for ADHD: A Nationwide Cohort Study" Although this study did not include statistics on ADHD diagnoses or monthly statistics, it's findings for ADHD medication in children are consistent with other studies. The study reviewed data from 11,785 Icelandic children at ages 9 and 12. Male children born 1-4 months prior to the grade cutoff date were 52% more likely to be medicated for ADHD compared to the oldest male children in the same grade. Female children born 1-4 months prior to the grade cutoff date were 73% more likely to be medicated for ADHD compared to the oldest female children in the same grade. The study concluded that, “Relative age among classmates affects children’s…risk of being prescribed stimulants for ADHD.” (Note: Data from this study was approximated from graphics included in the published version.)

4. USA, 2010 (Elder) - Elder, "The Importance of Relative Standards in ADHD Diagnoses: Evidence Based on Exact Birth Dates" Of all the studies reviewed, this study from the USA shows the highest increase in risk for diagnosis and medication of ADHD for the youngest children in a class. The study utilized data from 11,784 children in the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study-Kindergarten longitudinal survey that tracked kindergartners in the fall of the 1998–1999 school year through the next nine years. Children born 1 month prior to the September 1st class grade cutoff date were 122% more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and 137% more likely to be medicated for ADHD. The study concludes by noting a point applicable to all included studies, "Whether relatively young children are overdiagnosed, relatively old children are underdiagnosed, or both, current efforts to define and diagnose ADHD evidently fall short of an objective standard." (Note: Data from this study was approximated from graphics included in the published version.)

5. USA, 2010 (Evans) - Evans, et al. "Measuring Inappropriate Medical Diagnosis and Treatment in Survey Data: The Case of ADHD among School-Age Children" This study used a sample of 35,343 children from the National Health Interview Survey and 18,559 children from the Medical Expenditures Panel Survey. Children born 1-3 months prior to the grade cutoff date were 27% more likely to be diagnosed for ADHD and 24% more likely to be medicated for ADHD compared to children born 10-12 months prior to the grade cutoff data. The study does a nice job of relating its findings to the "real world" scale of the problem when it states, "To put our estimates into perspective, an excess of 2 percentage points implies that approximately 1.1 million children received an inappropriate diagnosis and over 800,000 received stimulant medication due only to relative maturity."

COUNTER EVIDENCE

In this post we concentrated on studies that have been consistently finding evidence of increased risk of ADHD in the youngest children in a class as evidence for the misdiagnosis and potential over-medication of this population. However, a 2014 Danish study, Pottegard et al. "Children’s relative age in class and use of medication for ADHD: a Danish Nationwide Study" did not support these findings. Although the authors had hypothesized that they would find results consistent with those of other international studies, this did not prove to be the case. In explaining the difference, the researchers postulate, "...that this may be due to the high proportion of relatively young children held back by 1 year in the Danish school system and/or a generally low prevalence of ADHD medication use in the country."

ADVICE FOR PARENTS

Although many of these studies urge "caution" in diagnosing and medicating children for ADHD, they do not provide prescriptive advice to parents. However, using the evidence, it is possible to begin to construct a road map for parents challenged by a child that may have ADHD.

1. Consider the Age of Your Child - Is your child one of the youngest children in his/her class?  If so, is his/her behavior outside the norm for not just his/her grade level, but for kids of his/her specific age? Consider a school with a class cutoff date of September 1st. A child born on August 31st will be in the same class as children born on September 2nd, but will be nearly an entire year younger. This may not seem like a big difference to an adult, but for seven and eight-year-olds, the oldest children in the class will have had a 14% longer life compared to the youngest children in the class. This is no small amount in the context of rapid development in young children and behavior expectations in schools.

2. Weigh Behavior Outside of School - Is your child also experiencing problems in the home or at play? Do problems seem to manifest in the school disproportionately to other environments? As recommended by the Canadian paper included above, "Greater emphasis on a child’s behavior outside of school may be warranted when assessing children for ADHD to lessen the risk of inappropriate diagnosis." This increases the likelihood that the child's behavior will be based on its own merits and not relative to students that may have a significant age advantage.

3. Consider Holding a Young Child Back a Year - The possibility that "the high proportion of relatively young children held back by 1 year in the Danish school system" is one of the reasons that the Danish study did not find results consistent with other countries is very intriguing. Parents should carefully consider this option if they suspect that some of a child's school behavior issues may be due to immaturity relative to other classmates.

• ADHD
• Bullying
• Depression
• LGBTQ
• Anxiety
• Self-Esteem
• Spanking
• Emotional Regulation
• Phobias
• Social Media
• Mindfulness
• PTSD
• Eating Disorders
• Autism
• Divorce

Explore More Topics: