Co-Parenting a Child With ADHD: Strategies for Divorced Parents

Co-parenting a child with ADHD from a divorced home can be demanding and can present unique challenges. With effective communication, collaboration, and consistency, you can create a supportive and nurturing environment for your child. 

Effective Communication Strategies 

Co-parents may begin by maintaining open lines of communication with each other. Share information about your child's ADHD diagnosis, treatment plan, medication (if applicable), and any changes or developments related to their condition. Consistency in communication helps ensure that both parents are on the same page regarding the child's needs and progress. Ideally, both parents can collaborate by establishing a detailed co-parenting plan that includes schedules, routines, and responsibilities. This plan could include provisions for managing ADHD-specific challenges such as medication management, therapy sessions, and school meetings. A well-structured plan helps reduce conflicts and creates a stable environment for your child.

Establishing Structure and Consistency

Children with ADHD often thrive in structured and predictable environments. Try to maintain consistent routines and rules across both households. This includes consistent bedtimes, meal times, and expectations for behavior. Consistency can help your child feel more secure and supported. Whenever possible, involve both parents in major decisions related to your child's ADHD treatment and education. This can include decisions about therapy options, school accommodations, and changes in medication. Collaborative decision-making ensures that both parents have a say in their child's well-being.

Effective Information Sharing 

Share important information about your child's ADHD treatment and progress with teachers, therapists, and medical professionals. Co-parents could keep each other informed about appointments, evaluations, and any recommendations from healthcare providers. Consider attending parenting classes or workshops specifically focused on parenting children with ADHD. These can provide you with strategies and tools for managing ADHD-related challenges effectively.It is also important to work together as a team when advocating for your child's educational needs. Attend school meetings, such as Individualized Education Program (IEP) or 504 Plan meetings, together to ensure consistency in the support your child receives.

Taking a Solution Focused Approach 

Understand that your child's needs may change over time, and you may need to adjust your co-parenting plan accordingly. Be flexible and willing to adapt as necessary to ensure your child's well-being. When discussing issues related to your child, maintain a positive and solution-oriented approach. Avoid blaming or criticizing the other parent. Instead, focus on finding solutions and strategies that work best for your child. Make sure each parent prioritizes self-care, to maintain their own mental and emotional well-being. A well-rested and emotionally balanced parent is better equipped to support a child with ADHD.

Co-parenting requires ongoing effort, patience, and a focus on your child's best interests. While it may be challenging at times, a collaborative and supportive approach can provide your child with the stability and guidance they need to thrive, despite their ADHD diagnosis. If conflicts arise that cannot be resolved amicably, consider involving a mediator or seeking the guidance of a mental health professional who specializes in co-parenting and ADHD.

A Parent's Guide to Emotional Regulation in Teens

As parents, it is not uncommon to see your teenager struggle with managing their emotions. Adolescence is a time of great change, and teens can become overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, and other emotional challenges. If you are concerned about the way your teen regulates their emotions, know that there are many things you can do to help them learn to manage the volatility and cope with stress. Included within this article are some helpful links that could be useful for further information.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a technique that involves focusing your attention on the present moment. It is a powerful tool for regulating emotional outbursts because it helps teens become more aware of their thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations in the present moment. When they are able to tune in to their inner experience, they are better equipped to respond to their emotions in a more deliberate and intentional way. This can lead to taking control of their emotional responses rather than being carried away by them.

For example, when a teenager is feeling overwhelmed or stressed, they may experience a rush of intense emotions that can quickly escalate into an emotional outburst. However, if the teen has practiced mindfulness, they may be better able to recognize when they are becoming overwhelmed and take steps to regulate their response before they reach the point of no return.

Develop emotional awareness

Teaching your teen to identify and name their feelings can help them develop greater emotional awareness. When your teen is experiencing strong emotions, encourage them to identify what they're feeling and why. This can help them better understand their emotions and manage them in a healthier way. As a result, they become more in tune with their thoughts and feelings. This can help them better understand their own strengths and weaknesses, and identify areas where they may need to focus on personal growth.

Emotional awareness can help teenagers develop greater self-control and regulation skills. By recognizing emotions as they arise, teens can learn to respond to them in a more constructive way. Emotional awareness can help teens identify and address negative thought patterns and emotional triggers that can lead to anxiety and depression. By learning to recognize these patterns and triggers, teens can take steps to manage their emotions and reduce the impact of negative feelings.

Use positive self-talk

Positive self-talk can help youth develop a positive self-image and boost their self-confidence. By focusing on their strengths and accomplishments, they can counteract negative self-talk and develop a more balanced and realistic view of themselves. Replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations and positive self-talk, teens can shift their focus towards positive outcomes and solutions, and may reduce the impact of stress and anxiety.

Here are some examples of positive self-talk for teens. “I am worthy of love and respect, and I will treat myself with kindness and compassion. Mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth, and I will use them to become a stronger person. I am proud of myself for the progress I have made, and I will continue to work towards my goals with determination. I am unique and special, and I embrace my individuality and celebrate my differences."

Engage in physical activity

Physical activity can help teenagers regulate their emotions by releasing tension, anger and stress in a safe and constructive way. Encourage your teen to engage in physical activities they enjoy, such as sports, dance, or yoga. This can help them feel more relaxed and improve their overall well-being. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosting chemicals that can help reduce stress and anxiety.

Exercise may help teenagers build strong social connections and develop positive relationships. Having a strong support network can help individuals better manage their emotions and cope with stressors. It may also help them feel good about themselves and their abilities, leading to improved self-esteem and confidence.

Keep a journal

Journaling can help your teen process their emotions and identify patterns that trigger emotional outbursts. Encourage your teen to keep a journal where they can write down their thoughts and feelings. This can help them develop greater emotional awareness and manage their emotions more effectively. Remind your teen that the journal is a safe space for exploring their feelings.

Choose a quiet and comfortable space where your teenager can feel relaxed and focused. Encourage them to choose a format that they feel comfortable with and will use consistently. Journaling is most helpful when it becomes a regular part of their routine, whether it's daily or weekly. By encouraging honesty and vulnerability in their writing, teens will develop greater self-awareness. The process of writing can help them manage difficult emotions over time.

Use relaxation techniques

Relaxation techniques can help young people relax and manage their emotions. Teenagers often face stress and anxiety due to academic pressure, social challenges, and changes in their lives. Practicing relaxation techniques can help them manage stress and anxiety and promote overall emotional well-being.

Deep breathing, progressive relaxation technique, visualization, listening to music, creating artwork or practicing yoga are some of the most effective ways to relax. Practicing relaxation techniques regularly can help teenagers develop the skills and habits needed to manage stress and anxiety and promote overall emotional well-being. These techniques can help reduce stress, lower anxiety, and improve overall well-being.

Seek social support

Social support is important for teens, especially when they're experiencing emotional challenges. Encourage your teen to seek social support from friends or family members. They may also reach out to a trusted teacher or therapist. These professionals can provide a listening ear, offer support, and help your teen access additional resources if necessary.

Feeling supported by caring individuals in a teens life can help them process their emotions, cope with stress, and develop healthy relationships. Remember, seeking social support takes courage and vulnerability. Encourage your teen to be gentle with themselves as they navigate their emotions and seek out the support they need.

Practice problem-solving

Teaching your teen problem-solving skills can help them effectively deal with stressors and challenges without becoming overwhelmed. Encourage your teen to identify the problem, brainstorm possible solutions, and evaluate the effectiveness of each solution. This can help your teen feel more confident and empowered.

Offer your teenager support and belief in their ability to make decisions based on the available information and to consider the potential consequences of their actions. Thinking creatively can help them formulate alternative solutions to problems. Encourage them to collaborate with others, whether it's a peer, teacher, or family member. Working together can help them gain new perspectives and find new solutions to the problem.

Help your teenager to notice and practice problem-solving skills in everyday situations, such as dealing with conflicts with friends or managing their time effectively. As parents it is important to offer support and guidance as they work through the problem-solving process. Gently guide them to take risks and learn from their mistakes. Problem-solving is a process, and it is important to help your teenager develop the skills and habits needed to approach challenges with a positive attitude and a growth mindset.

Use coping strategies

Coping strategies can help teens manage their emotions. Listening to music, engaging in hobbies, or taking a break when feeling overwhelmed are just a few examples of helpful coping strategies. Teens may use positive self-talk to challenge negative thoughts and promote a more positive mindset. By talking to a trusted friend, family member or mental health professional teens can process their emotions and gain perspective. Connecting with friends or participating in social activities can help teens feel supported and reduce feelings of isolation.

Parents can assist by helping teens devise time management techniques, such as making a schedule or prioritizing tasks. This can ultimately reduce stress and promote a sense of control. Encouraging your teenager to explore different coping strategies and find what works best for them can help them develop the skills and habits needed to regulate their emotions and promote overall emotional well-being.

Seek professional help

If your teen is experiencing intense or persistent emotional outbursts, it may be beneficial for you to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. A mental health professional can help your teen develop coping strategies and manage their emotions more effectively.

Emotional outbursts are a normal part of adolescence. Helping your teenager learn to regulate their emotions is a process that takes time and effort. By implementing some of these recommendations such as practicing mindfulness, developing emotional awareness, and seeking social support, you can help your teenager manage their emotions in a healthier way. Every teenager is unique and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient and open to trying new strategies until you find what works best. Remember to be supportive and celebrate their successes along the way. With your help and support, your teenager can learn to manage their emotions and navigate the challenges of adolescence with greater resilience and confidence.

Equivalent Child Outcomes in Same-Sex vs. Different-Sex Parent Households

In the United States, beliefs about child and family outcomes for same-sex versus different-sex parents have been a source of confusion and debate. To address this topic, the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics published the recent study, "Same-Sex and Different-Sex Parent Households and Child Health Outcomes: Findings from the National Survey of Children’s Health" by Henry M. W. Bos et al. This study found no significant difference between outcomes for children raised in similarly stable same-sex versus different-sex parent households. However, the study did find that same-sex parents report significantly higher levels of parenting stress compared to different-sex parents.

METHODS

In this study, the National Survey of Children's Health (NSCH) data set was used to examine 95 female same-sex parent families and 95 different-sex parent families. the NSCH is a population-based survey on children's health. Families were chosen if they were stable and didn’t experience a major stress event such as divorce or separation.  In order to participate, two parents had to be presently coupled and had to have raised their children since birth. Same-sex male parents were not selected because there were too few households meeting these criteria.  The researchers note that one of the strengths of the investigation was that "the data were drawn from a population-based survey on children's health that was not described to participants as a study of same-sex parent families, thus minimizing potential bias."

Researchers focused on data from households with children ages 6 through 17 and focused on questions about “family relationships, parenting stress and child outcomes.” This data set offered a chance for the researchers to examine whether there “are there differences in family relationships (spouse/partner relationships and parent-child relationships), parenting stress, or child outcomes (general health, emotional difficulties, coping behavior, and learning behavior)" between same-sex and different-sex parent households.

We have created the following visualization that summarizes the major findings from this study. (Please set your browser to allow third party cookies if you receive an error while trying to explore the data.)

THE RESULTS

The study findings illustrate that there is no significant difference between same-sex and different-sex parent households in terms of spouse/partner relationship, parent/child relationship, child general health, child emotional difficulties, child coping behavior and child learning behavior. Thus, the researchers conclude that this study "contributes to the mounting evidence that children reared by same-sex parents fare at least as well as those reared by different-sex parents on a variety of measures used to assess psychological adjustment."  

The one exception to these otherwise equivalent results, however, was that the same sex couples reported experiencing greater parenting stress.  At this point in time little is known as to why same-sex parents experience greater stress as parents, but one theory suggests that the "cultural spotlight on child outcomes in families with same sex-parents” may be a causally contributing to the stress. 

Typically, greater parenting stress is a predictor that is "positively associated with children's emotional difficulties and negatively associated with child coping and learning behavior." Interestingly, however, greater parenting stress in same-sex parents did not manifest in these negative results. In an attempt to explain this, the researchers hypothesize that lesbian mothers are mitigating greater parenting stress by effectively utilizing support systems such as parenting groups and counseling services to allay negative child outcomes.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS

Unfortunately, homophobia in society and concerns about how societal attitudes may impact their families may be contributing to excess parenting stress among same-sex parents. These parents may also feel the pressure of other people judging them more closely and more critically compared to different-sex parents. 

Despite the societal challenges for same-sex parents, challenging days with children are common for all parents alike.  Parenting stress can be alleviated by understanding the triggers that contribute to your anxiety throughout the day. For example, you might feel stressed if your child is having a tantrum in a public place, especially if people begin to stare. Instead of saying, “I am a terrible parent because my child is acting out” try adjusting your self-talk to phrases such as: “my child is having a bad day,” “my child is hungry or tired” or “I am doing the best that I can." It is impossible to avoid all stressful parenting situations, but one key is to understand your limitations and allow yourself more time to accomplish tasks.

Also, attempt to prioritize the duties and responsibilities in your day so that you don’t become overwhelmed while setting healthy boundaries with others. Making time for yourself by eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep and daily exercise may also be beneficial. Finally, forming close emotional connections with family members, friends and cultivating a strong support system can also contribute to a healthier lifestyle. If you find that you are not able to deal effectively with the level of stress in your life or if you find that it is getting in the way of effective parenting, it may be time to contact a professional. 

EXPLORE MORE TOPICS:

• ADHD
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Bullying
• LGBTQ
• Self-Esteem
• Spanking
• Emotional Regulation
• Phobias
• Social Media
• Mindfulness
• Resilience
• PTSD
• Eating Disorders
• Autism