Parent Tips for Helping Children & Teens Create Healthy Friendships

Friendship is a vital part of development, providing support, companionship and a sense of belonging. However, making friends can sometimes feel daunting, especially for young people navigating the complexities of adolescence and the teenage years. These are some suggestions that parents can use when talking to their children about the best ways to make friends and build meaningful connections.

Be Yourself

Authenticity is key when it comes to making friends. Encourage your child to embrace their unique interests, quirks, and personality traits. When they stay true to themselves, they attract friends who appreciate them for who they are.

Find Common Interests

Shared interests provide a natural starting point for friendship. Encourage youth to explore their hobbies and passions, whether it's sports, art, music, or gaming. Participating in activities they enjoy increases the likelihood of meeting like-minded peers.

Be Open-Minded

Friendship can come in unexpected forms. Encourage your children to be open-minded and approachable, welcoming the opportunity to connect with people from diverse backgrounds and perspectives. Emphasize the value of learning from others and embracing new experiences.

Practice Empathy

Empathy is the foundation of meaningful connections. Encourage your child to listen actively, show genuine interest in others' experiences and offer support when needed. By understanding and empathizing with others' feelings, they deepen their friendships, foster trust and build camaraderie.

Initiate Conversations

Initiating conversations can be nerve-wracking, but it's a crucial step in making friends. Encourage your children to start small by asking open-ended questions, offering compliments, or sharing a funny story. Remind them that everyone feels a little awkward at times and the more they practice, the more comfortable they will feel over time.

Be a Good Listener

Being a good listener is just as important as being able to express oneself. Encourage your child or teen to give their full attention when others are speaking, ask follow-up questions, and validate their feelings. By showing genuine interest in others, they will strengthen their connections and build rapport.

Communication Skills 

As parents we can create opportunities to practice meaningful communication by setting aside device-free times, such as family dinners, to engage in open and honest conversations. Practicing active listening and effective communication techniques to ensures everyone in your family feels valued and builds important friendship skills.

Cooperation

Engage in collaborative activities and projects as a family to promote teamwork and cooperation. Encourage children to take turns, share responsibilities and appreciate the contributions of others, fostering a sense of unity and collaboration.

Emotion Regulation

Help children and teens learn to recognize and manage their emotions in healthy ways. Provide support and guidance during times of emotional distress, teaching coping strategies and problem-solving skills to navigate challenging situations.

Apology and Forgiveness 

Teach children the importance of taking responsibility for their actions, making sincere apologies and offering forgiveness to others. Model the behavior you wish to see by acknowledging your own mistakes and demonstrating genuine remorse and forgiveness.

Be Kind and Inclusive

Kindness goes a long way in fostering friendships. Encourage youth to be inclusive, reach out to those who may be feeling left out, and stand up against bullying and exclusion. By creating a welcoming environment, they create opportunities for meaningful connections to flourish.

Remain Patient and Persistent

Making friends takes time and effort. Encourage your kids to stay patient and persistent even if they face setbacks or rejection along the way. Remind them that building friendships is a journey and each interaction brings them one step closer to finding their community.

Friendship is a valuable asset in child development, offering support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. By being authentic, embracing common interests, practicing empathy and initiating conversation, young people can build meaningful connections that enrich their lives. Remind your children that true friendships are worth the effort. 

Your Child's First Phone and Access to Social Media

In today's digitally-driven world, the question of when to give a child their first phone or allow them access to social media is a pressing concern for many parents. Consider your child's maturity level, responsibility and need for communication. Many parents choose to introduce phones when their children begin activities or situations where they may need to contact them. Numerous psychological studies support the idea of delaying access to phones and social media until eighth grade. One notable study published in the JAMA Psychiatry found that adolescents who spent more time on social media reported higher levels of internalizing problems, such as depression and anxiety. Another study published in JAMA Pediatrics linked higher social media use to increased risk and severity of depressive symptoms among adolescents. By delaying access to social media, parents can protect their children's mental health and well-being during a critical period of development.

The Importance of Social Skills

One of the key reasons for delaying access to phones and social media is to prioritize the development of essential social skills. Research suggests that excessive screen time can interfere with children's ability to engage in face-to-face interactions, empathize with others, and build meaningful relationships. By delaying access to phones and social media, parents can encourage their children to develop strong interpersonal skills and foster deeper connections with peers and family members.

Promoting Real-world Experiences

Delaying access to phones and social media also encourages children to engage more fully in real-world experiences and activities. Studies have shown that excessive screen time can detract from time spent on hobbies, sports, outdoor play and other enriching pursuits. By limiting screen time and delaying access to phones and social media, parents can encourage their children to explore the world around them, develop new interests, and cultivate a healthy balance between online and offline activities.

Setting Limits and Boundaries

Establishing clear rules and boundaries around screen time is crucial for maintaining a healthy family dynamic. Encourage regular breaks from screens, prioritize face-to-face interactions, and designate screen-free zones and times, such as during meals and before bedtime. Collaborate with your children to create a family screen time plan that works for everyone. Set clear guidelines for phone usage, such as no phones at the dinner table or during family time. Additionally, engage in open conversations with your children about online safety, privacy, and responsible digital citizenship.

Monitoring Content and Social Media

With the vast amount of content available on the internet and social media, it is essential for parents to monitor and regulate what their children are exposed to online. Social media platforms often have age restrictions for a reason. Before allowing your child to join social media, ensure they understand the potential risks and responsibilities involved. Consider their emotional maturity, ability to navigate online interactions safely, and willingness to adhere to your family's guidelines for social media usage. Familiarize yourself with parental control settings and software that can help filter inappropriate content and track your child's online activity. 

Managing screen time, phones, and social media is a complex but essential task for parents. By setting clear limits, monitoring content and engaging in open communication with your children, you can help them develop healthy screen habits and navigate the online world safely. Remember, every family is unique, so find strategies that work best for your family dynamics and values. With forethought and open communication, parents can empower their children to make informed choices with regard to social media usage as they become young adults.

Equivalent Child Outcomes in Same-Sex vs. Different-Sex Parent Households

In the United States, beliefs about child and family outcomes for same-sex versus different-sex parents have been a source of confusion and debate. To address this topic, the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics published the recent study, "Same-Sex and Different-Sex Parent Households and Child Health Outcomes: Findings from the National Survey of Children’s Health" by Henry M. W. Bos et al. This study found no significant difference between outcomes for children raised in similarly stable same-sex versus different-sex parent households. However, the study did find that same-sex parents report significantly higher levels of parenting stress compared to different-sex parents.

METHODS

In this study, the National Survey of Children's Health (NSCH) data set was used to examine 95 female same-sex parent families and 95 different-sex parent families. the NSCH is a population-based survey on children's health. Families were chosen if they were stable and didn’t experience a major stress event such as divorce or separation.  In order to participate, two parents had to be presently coupled and had to have raised their children since birth. Same-sex male parents were not selected because there were too few households meeting these criteria.  The researchers note that one of the strengths of the investigation was that "the data were drawn from a population-based survey on children's health that was not described to participants as a study of same-sex parent families, thus minimizing potential bias."

Researchers focused on data from households with children ages 6 through 17 and focused on questions about “family relationships, parenting stress and child outcomes.” This data set offered a chance for the researchers to examine whether there “are there differences in family relationships (spouse/partner relationships and parent-child relationships), parenting stress, or child outcomes (general health, emotional difficulties, coping behavior, and learning behavior)" between same-sex and different-sex parent households.

We have created the following visualization that summarizes the major findings from this study. (Please set your browser to allow third party cookies if you receive an error while trying to explore the data.)

THE RESULTS

The study findings illustrate that there is no significant difference between same-sex and different-sex parent households in terms of spouse/partner relationship, parent/child relationship, child general health, child emotional difficulties, child coping behavior and child learning behavior. Thus, the researchers conclude that this study "contributes to the mounting evidence that children reared by same-sex parents fare at least as well as those reared by different-sex parents on a variety of measures used to assess psychological adjustment."  

The one exception to these otherwise equivalent results, however, was that the same sex couples reported experiencing greater parenting stress.  At this point in time little is known as to why same-sex parents experience greater stress as parents, but one theory suggests that the "cultural spotlight on child outcomes in families with same sex-parents” may be a causally contributing to the stress. 

Typically, greater parenting stress is a predictor that is "positively associated with children's emotional difficulties and negatively associated with child coping and learning behavior." Interestingly, however, greater parenting stress in same-sex parents did not manifest in these negative results. In an attempt to explain this, the researchers hypothesize that lesbian mothers are mitigating greater parenting stress by effectively utilizing support systems such as parenting groups and counseling services to allay negative child outcomes.

ADVICE FOR PARENTS

Unfortunately, homophobia in society and concerns about how societal attitudes may impact their families may be contributing to excess parenting stress among same-sex parents. These parents may also feel the pressure of other people judging them more closely and more critically compared to different-sex parents. 

Despite the societal challenges for same-sex parents, challenging days with children are common for all parents alike.  Parenting stress can be alleviated by understanding the triggers that contribute to your anxiety throughout the day. For example, you might feel stressed if your child is having a tantrum in a public place, especially if people begin to stare. Instead of saying, “I am a terrible parent because my child is acting out” try adjusting your self-talk to phrases such as: “my child is having a bad day,” “my child is hungry or tired” or “I am doing the best that I can." It is impossible to avoid all stressful parenting situations, but one key is to understand your limitations and allow yourself more time to accomplish tasks.

Also, attempt to prioritize the duties and responsibilities in your day so that you don’t become overwhelmed while setting healthy boundaries with others. Making time for yourself by eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep and daily exercise may also be beneficial. Finally, forming close emotional connections with family members, friends and cultivating a strong support system can also contribute to a healthier lifestyle. If you find that you are not able to deal effectively with the level of stress in your life or if you find that it is getting in the way of effective parenting, it may be time to contact a professional. 

EXPLORE MORE TOPICS:

• ADHD
• Bullying
• Depression
• LGBTQ
• Anxiety
• Self-Esteem
• Spanking
• Emotional Regulation
• Phobias
• Social Media
• Mindfulness
• PTSD
• Eating Disorders
• Autism
• Divorce